Monday, November 30, 2009

Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods was sleeping in an opium delirium when his wife who is a swedish model woke him up screaming at him after discovering internet rumors of another woman whom Tiger had sex with. Tiger was chased from his house, while his wife punched him in the mouth, scratched his face up, and menaced him with a golf club. Being in his percocet delirium he jumped in his Escalade and backed into a firehydrant, then into a tree while his wife was clubbing his windows out with said golf club. He then collapsed onto the street, still in a delirium where he lapsed in and out of consciousness, due to his injuries sustained by his wife (She might have attacked him in his sleep initially) And then the coverup and lies began.

Tiger Woods is the single biggest athlete in the world. He IS golf, without him the tour would lose about 60% of it's popularity...no other sport has a single athlete that is as powerful. MLB could lose A Rod and Albert Puljols and barely miss a beat...the NHL would continue without Alex Ovechkin...etc etc....But Tiger woods has so much power that he can single handedly control the fate of a tournament simply by deciding to play in it or not. In person he is dull and has the personality of a brick wall and he is terrible in interviews. But like anyone in the world with a networth of a billion dollars and worldwide fame, he has acquired all the accouterments....Zillion dollar houses, yachts, etc....and a trophy wife in the form of this Swedish Model.

What is her problem? How could she not understand the unwritten deal and contract that she has entered into? This is like Paul McCartney and Heather Mills all over again. How could you be married to Paul McCartney and give him any grief? How could you give any grief to Tiger Woods! I would marry Tiger Woods or Paul McCartney and let them do whatever they wanted!!!

This is Tiger Woods fault for deciding to marry this shiny ornament. Elin should have kept her cool and done the Vanessa Bryant thing...sit by her husband and accept a 4 million dollar diamond ring and don't give him any problems!!!

9 comments:

dole2obama said...

Yep-she knows the deal

Brett said...

Gar, you're a hopeless romantic. :)

Seriously, why does any of this surprise or more importantly why do we care? He plays golf, we really don't care about him any more than that. Surprised that a celebrity has personal issues? That's like saying it's raining in the Northwest.

On the bright side, I am sure that Sir Paul and Mr. Woods will be delighted to hear about your availability.

Garrett said...

Indeed and if Trudie Styler ever has a problem with Sting I will be available to marry him as well (:

Bible Thumpin' Mike in Utah said...

Now I understand your opposition to the defining of marriage prop in California.

It had nothing to do with equal rights or any of that nature. It was purely part of a larger plan to secure your financial future. I got ya now Garrett. I have no problem with people supporting something with self serving reasons.

But does Batman (i forget his name, i just remember he is the guy from "newsies" & "3:10 to Yuma") know of these other crushes??

Serenity NOW said...

When you have the fame like Tiger does there are people working 24/7 for you to slip up. It's like living under a microscope. And so it is......... Tigers clean slate now has a mark on it.

Love ya, Susan

Grandma Dee said...

All of this hype about Tiger will soon be history. I had heard that he was going out on his wife, but thought it would always stay quiet. Unfortunately, when you are that big a success, temptation is around you all the time. It is unfortunate that he gave in to it, but the constant stress on him to perform must wear one down. I trust that his wife will forgive him and move on. I also figure that when someone roams, he is probably having a little trouble at home. I am sure that Paul Newman was often tempted, but he had an awesome wife at home that was truly his partner. Newman and Joanne Woodward: what a class act!

Serenity NOW said...

Does anyone mind if I call Tiger Cheetah?

Serenity NOW said...

Dennis wrote the Cheetah comment.

Bible Thumpin' Mike in Utah said...

I usually hate when people make the type of accusation or claim but here I go.

Why is it when Kobe (who I hate) or Tiger (who I do not care about at all "golf is not my thing) do something it is the biggest story forever and we cannot get enough.

But when it is the Big "white" Ben Rothlesberger going it in Lake Tahoe, the media reported it quickly quietly and did not do the same follow up.
I do not know if Ben is married, but is that the difference?. His was accusation was rape, which was looked at right from the beginning as "yeah right". It was not taken that serious. He is the reigning Super Bowl champ!

Is it a race thing? Is it a lack of a wife, if he is not married? I mean it was a rape claim. Is that not a serious as cheating??

I dont know.